The Top 10 Tips for Talking to Your Child About Hospice Care

Talking to your child about hospice care can be one of the hardest conversations you might ever have. For many parents, explaining hospice care to their child can be daunting. You might worry about how to convey the seriousness of the situation without causing unnecessary fear or confusion. It’s normal to feel unsure about the right words to use and how to handle your child’s reactions. Children, depending on their age and experience, might struggle to understand why someone they care about is so sick and what hospice care actually involves.

Kids are often very perceptive and can pick up on the emotions and atmosphere around them, even if they don’t fully understand what’s being discussed. That’s why it’s important to approach the conversation with sensitivity and care. You want to provide them with accurate information while also supporting them emotionally. Your goal is to help them process the situation in a way that makes sense to them and allows them to cope with their feelings.

This guide offers ten tips to help you navigate this conversation with your child. These tips aim to make the discussion about hospice care as clear, supportive, and gentle as possible, providing a foundation for understanding and emotional comfort. 

1. Be Honest, But Age-Appropriate

When discussing hospice care with your child, honesty is key, but it’s important to adjust your explanation based on their age and understanding. For younger kids, use simple language and concepts. For example, you might say, “The doctors are doing everything they can to make sure the person feels comfortable and not in pain, but they are very sick and can’t get better.” For older children, you might explain that hospice care focuses on providing comfort and quality of life when someone’s illness is no longer curable. Tailoring your explanation to their level of understanding helps them grasp the situation better without feeling overwhelmed.

2. Choose the Right Time and Place

Timing and environment are so important for this kind of conversation. Look for a quiet, private setting where you won’t be interrupted. It’s best to talk when both you and your child are calm and relaxed. If possible, choose a time when neither of you is rushing or stressed. A peaceful environment helps create a safe space for your child to express their thoughts and feelings openly. This might be a quiet room at home or a favorite spot where you both feel comfortable.

3. Use Simple Language

Using simple, clear language is important when explaining complex topics like hospice care. Avoid medical jargon or terms that might confuse your child. Instead of using terms like “palliative care” or “terminal illness,” you could say, “The doctors are helping to make sure the person is comfortable and not in pain.” Simple language helps children understand what’s happening without adding to their confusion or anxiety. It also makes the conversation feel more accessible and less intimidating.

4. Encourage Questions

Encouraging your child to ask questions helps them process the information and express their concerns. Let them know that no question is too small or silly and that it’s okay to ask about anything they’re curious about. Answer their questions as clearly as you can, and if you don’t know the answer, it’s okay to say so. You might say, “I’m not sure about that right now, but we can find out together.” This approach helps build trust and shows your child that their feelings and questions are valid and important.

5. Be Prepared for Different Reactions

Children can react in various ways to news about hospice care. Some may feel sad or scared, while others might seem confused or detached. It’s important to be prepared for a range of emotions and to offer support regardless of their reaction. Acknowledge their feelings and let them know it’s normal to experience a mix of emotions during such times. 

6. Reassure Them

Children may have worries about the person in hospice care or about themselves. Reassure them that they are safe and loved, and that the hospice care team is there to help the person feel as good as possible. It’s also important to remind them that they are not alone and that it’s okay to talk about their feelings. 

7. Share Positive Aspects

While hospice care involves difficult realities, there are positive aspects that you can highlight. For example, you might talk about how the person is receiving extra attention and care from professionals who want to make them as comfortable as possible. Emphasizing the kindness and compassion of the hospice team can help your child focus on the positive efforts being made, even in a challenging situation.

8. Offer Emotional Support

Providing emotional support is crucial during this time. Be available to listen, comfort, and support your child as they navigate their feelings. Sometimes, just being present and offering a hug can be incredibly reassuring. Let your child know that it’s okay to express their emotions and that they can come to you whenever they need to. Showing empathy and understanding helps your child feel secure and cared for during a difficult time.

9. Involve Them in Care

If it feels appropriate, involving your child in some aspect of the care process can help them feel more connected and helpful. Depending on their age and comfort level, they might draw pictures, make cards, or simply spend time with the person in a way that feels right to them. This involvement can give your child a sense of purpose and help them feel like they are contributing positively to the situation. 

10. Keep the Conversation Ongoing

Talking about hospice care shouldn’t be a one-time conversation. Keep the lines of communication open and check in with your child regularly. Let them know that it’s okay to talk about their feelings or ask questions at any time. Regular conversations help your child process their emotions and stay informed as things evolve. On the other hand, some children DON'T want to talk about it, or be around when the hospice agency workers come in to check on the person (if the person is a family member at home). Therefore, it's important you have them document within the hospice software to be sensitive to that certain individual.

Conclusion

Talking to your child about hospice care can be a challenging but important part of helping them understand and cope with a difficult situation. Your love and understanding are the most important things you can offer your child as they navigate this emotional journey.